"Hi, Mrs. Ryder," I say. "Trick or treat."

"Oh, hi, Davey. David, I mean." She drops some Milky Ways into my pillow case.

"How's Johnny?" I say.

"Oh, he's fine. Married, still. He just…he just bought a house." She's turned sideways, sort of behind the door, like she's holding back a dog, but I don't think she's got a dog.

"Tell Johnny I say hi," I say.

"I sure will," she says.

"Do you like my costume?" I say. I raise my arms, so the cape stretches out behind me. Then I bare my fangs and hiss. She gets all scared and closes the door. It's a real good costume.

I walk to a bunch of houses and then I get in my dad's car and drive. I've been doing this the last few Halloweens; I drive for an hour and stop in some random town and go trick-or-treating. I always wash the car on the morning before, because I like when it's all clean and vacuumed inside. Sometimes the car gets egged, and I get mad, but the kids run away too fast.

I picked a good neighborhood; every house has lights. I walk up to one and knock. A woman answers, and she's real small.

"Trick or treat," I say.

"Hello," she says. She looks behind me, at the car, and then she says, "Where's your kid?"

"What kid, ma'am?" I say. And I know she's gonna say something like, 'You're a little old to be trick-or-treating, aren't you?' So I just say, "trick or treat," and I stretch out my cape and hiss.

She closes the door, and I figure it's just a big misunderstanding, so I ring the bell, but nothing happens. No footsteps, nothing. So I ring it again, and then the outside lights go off, and I'm kind of angry because I've walked all the way up the driveway. I bang on the door. Finally, a man answers. He's a few years older than me, but I'm bigger. He's got glasses, and I don't like him.

"What the fuck do you want?" he says, all angry.

"Trick or treat," I say.

"Get the fuck off my property," he says, pointing, and now I'm

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